Do locs make you wordy?????????

So I stay up on my favorite message board, been a member for YEARS. Anywho.

I now spend most of my time in the loc section of the board because hey! guess what? I'm loc'ing.

So it gets heated everywhere on the board but I have come to notice that peeps in the loc forum be writing novels and shit. I mean DAMN you're entitled to your opinion but do you need to write a fucking dissertation? I don't even read it. I just scroll on down. I mean a whole page when you have already posted once or twice? Get a life people! Gonna be coming up with carpal tunnel.

I just laugh as I scroll on by, why are people trying so hard to be right? I mean one person typed over 2000 words...didn't even get a scholarship or anything...another was over 1500.
People trying to cram their own thoughts and opinions down another's throat by using words.

Trust me, it's not a one time thing. I just got one question, why are people trying so hard? It's the fucking Internet! Do people honestly think more words are going to cause people to agree with them, and even if people do start to agree...ummm doesn't that just make them sheep?

I mean are you really gonna feel more fulfilled, more successful because people on the Internet see things YOUR way?

Remember folks if you think you're right. YOU'RE right.

Asians????

Horrible drivers.....great marksmen? I'm just saying....fucking coward!

20 April...hoping it's all okay

I drank last night waiting for the relief to come. It didn't. The morning brought birds singing and the kids laughing and I knew in those few moments things will come full circle and I'm okay with it. It wasn't all my fault but I will take responsibility for my part. I am human perfectly flawed, that's no secret. Wished you had shared your burden with me, but what's done is done. We can only be who we are, right?

Today Girl Stroke

I couldn't stop crying.
Thank Goddess I sweat like crazy so no one could tell the difference.
I kept asking myself if this will be my lesson learned? Will I ever be able to stop being so quick to dismiss those I love?
Isn't real love about forgiveness?
My heart feels so heavy.
I wanted so badly to protect myself I closed the top on that box and told myself that it didn't matter, but it does. It matters now more than I ever wanted to admit.
Love is not about what you need or what you get, but about how you love the other person. How you see them and understand that sometime just sometimes things are done because they have to be not because someone doesn't love you. People have to love in their own way.
Not sure when I will truly learn and understand this. I wish I could stop crying, stop hurting.

Wide Open

I dreamt about you last night and I knew. Something inside of me burst wide open and I couldn't pretend like you didn't matter anymore.
As the phone rang I hoped and prayed I'd hear your voice. 9 mths. DAMN!!!
I was angry at you for your shortcomings, I wanted you to feel all of the emotions that were colliding inside me.
Today my heart is heavier than it has been in a long time. Reminds me of the time there was such distance between me and chi chi (shout out lil sis!)
Today nothing else seems to matter but hearing your voice and knowing you're mind and heart are in the right place.
I am terrified for you, but if you give me the chance, I will be your rock offering you prayer, love and my shoulder. Friendship, maybe I needed the definition not you. I love you. I pray for your safety and sanity. Hotep.

Loc'd for life?

Someone I know recently took down her locs. While I know this decision was a truly personal one, it made me stop and think. Will I be loc'd for life? I really can't say for sure but I know that it's a personal journey for most people. I will be loc'd for a long time to come Goddess willing, but foreva eva?

I felt at this point in my life I need to loc, but I will always feel the need to be loc'd? Ion know?

Da ass is back!

I am at the Y today doing my girl stroke, which is what I call my daily workouts because it sounds better than hot sweaty stinky cooch.

So I'm gettin' my girl stroke on. I'm lifting weights. In between reps I happen to look in the mirror. Imagine my joy when I realized my ass had returned to me. There it was all proud, looking like 2 georgia peaches. I was so happy to see it I had to break out and dance...I think I scared the white people.

Without me?

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face


I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams.....


This seems a lifetime ago...I remember the first time I heard it. I was so overwhelmed and my heart was so full...I miss those times...It wasn't a dream, or was it? Did I imagine a love so beautiful? No, it was real. I need it to be real. I still want it to be real.

More ME news

SO I decided to take pics today and update my online photo album...I have tutoring in about 20 minutes so I need to get into Math Wiz mode quick like.

More to come... gotta go find my Algebra book

The Truth

I think at times this can be forgotten....don't ever forget

Stop

How do you stop loving someone...if someone has become a part of your heart...what happens when it's suppose to disappear but it lingers? I'm so fucking angry on most days, but then there are still days when I can't forget. It lingers. It hurts. I'm angry! FUCK YOU!!!

Ain't nothin' wrong

I done had money
I done been broke
I done been talked about something awful
Done been lied on by so many folks
I done even been depressed at times
and didn’t wanna cry cause my pride was too strong
But over the years I thought it over
And after struggling for so long and still holding on
I figured, can’t be nothing all that wrong with crying
If anybody says that they’re that strong they’re lying
See crying is like taking your soul to the Laundromat
It’s like the feeling that you get
when you see your Grand-mama smile
Or the heavens open up and blessing rain down
Go on child and cry
Go on and cry, cry, cry
We can cry together


He speaks a truth so powerful.... so raw.... it's painful....

Today in ME news....

Been running things thru my mind. So many things are about to change and so many seem to stay the same.
Signing up for summer session tomorrow...excited and apprehensive all at the same time. Thanx to Gary/Sir Aje I think I'm going to pull off this math class!
Back in the gym FINALLY.
Planning the baby shower...I've been buying baby clothes like a mad woman, wishing I hadn't sold/gave away all of Syd's baby clothes. I'm actually getting excited now!!! It's going to be okay...I am prayerful. Why is it so hard to find big girl maternity clothes? UGH!!!!

I have my orientation on the 20th. I'm praying for acceptance letter in the mail. So I'm keeping busy because I can't think about those things that hurt me or those things I can not change. Just for today I will put one foot in front of the other, keep on stepping until I reach tomorrow.

Must be nice to take a vacation.

YOU AIN'T SHIT

His tears moved my heart. He's still my baby in so many ways. My baby in a man's body. His tears brought him no relief. His tears set into motion those who love him.

How do you bring a child into this world and then marginalize him?
How do you not wish to see all the great things he has learned in this world?
How do you not pass on knowledge to him?
How do you not want to prepare him for a world that YOU know is still bitter he is not a slave?

To all the men who chose not to be fathers in the physical sense, I say this...

YOU AIN'T SHIT!!!

I don't care how much you don't like his mother, how she works your nerves, how she is petty and money hungry. I don't give a damn about any of that.

How can a man let 7 full days go by and not reach out to his seed?
How do you let those days turn into months and months into years?
How do you have more children and speak to them each and everyday but your other child wonders "where's daddy?"

So you write a check each month, some do some don't, well good for you. Does that ease the ache in your child's heart, money ain't a thing bitch.

You can not call yourself a man if you fail to love your own little man.

YOU AIN'T SHIT!!!

How do you let time go by and not find a way to hold that child in your arms?
Would you go days weeks months years without holding your OTHER children?

I don't care how many more you have if you're not properly loving them ALL you are not a man you are not a father.

YOU AIN'T SHIT!!!

When bad finally comes to you, and know that it will, know that you are getting everything you earned, but ultimately your CHILD paid the most.

Pick up a fucking phone, it ain't about writing that check. He needs you on so many levels or are you too wrapped up in YOUR life to see?