Perhaps

I'm trying hard to be positive today. I live for Fridays and I hate that. I had a couple of set backs this week, but I think I handled them well.
I guess therapy has its benefits. It's strange at times because I have these CRAZY thoughts and then something inside my head clicks and I am able to avoid disaster.

I thought to myself while driving on the highway "would my truck split in half if I hit that cement barrier going 80mph?" See I don't want to die, not trying to take myself out in anyway, shape, or form. I just have CRAZY thoughts, small private conversations in my head that get worse when I'm entering an episode.

So today I'm clear. The disappointments of the week...I'm not even going to think about those. I've been let down time and again, this time will be no different.

I looked over the edge of letting it go, I'm not there yet. I guess I'm afraid to let it go.

The headaches, the stomachaches, the inability to concentrate...could it all be linked to holding on so tightly that at times I can't breath? Running toward the one thing I should be running like hell from? Perhaps.

It's days like these I don't think I love enough (myself or anyone else)