Addiction

I hit the gym 2x yesterday. Feeling a little sleepy this morning, but happy that's it's going to be a nice week end. I noticed just yesterday I have become addicted to touching myself. Not in the sexual sense(though I do get down like that more than I should!!!) I like to run my hands over my own body. I do it a lot without even taking notice I'm doing it! I am not in love with my body, I still hate the stretch marks on my stomach, I hate the fact "the girls" aren't where they were 15yrs ago, BUT I love the feel of me. Me feels good!

Getting ready

So I'm planning my vacation, just me no hubster no kiddies. I'm really trying to get my wardrobe together. My sense of style is lacking due to having to wear a uniform for over a decade, but I'm watching What Not To Wear and I'm learning!

Stay tuned

Chocolate Boy

I'm alone in the office today, I like it. I have some Floetry playing, my floor heater is on and I'm chillin'.

Chocolate Boy walks in to get a set of keys. I tell him to sign for the key. I go back to my computer and I notice he is trying to sign and look at me at the same time.
I don't look up because hey I'm working.

He strikes up a conversation it goes something like this...

CB: Do they say anything about your hair?

I stop typing and look at him

Me: No they can't it's mine
CB: Oh I didn't mean it that way, I mean I really like it.
Me: I wasn't trying to be smart it's just some people trip, mostly black women
CB: Oh I'm not tripping I like it a lot. It looks good.

This brotha was the deepest shade of chocolate I have seen in a while. Faint island accent...I was totally caught off guard by his bluntness.

He took those keys from my hand real slow and just looked at me.

CB: It was nice talking to you, I would call you by your name but you don't have your top shirt on?
Me: (SILENT!)

He smiled at me and I just smiled back. Brotha was flirting right out in the open. Well Damn!

Heaven and Earth

My father told me a man will move heaven and earth to do the things he really wants to do. I know my Daddy is a wise man, but when you're young you don't listen to your parents, but I listened but I didn't hear him. I hear him loud and clear these days. I have been so wrapped up in so many things I wasn't listening to my inner voice trying to guide me to the path I need to be on, so when my inner voice asked "What are you worth?" I didn't answer, but the question was asked repeatedly until I had to answer. I am worth a man moving heaven and earth.

Rain rain go away

It's going to rain all week end *boo hiss*

I don't hate rain, Lord knows there nothing like laying in your undies by an open window when a warm rain comes through. I have plans for the weekend so I'll be out in it. My hair should love that.

I'm still asking the question, still getting the same answer. I'm so much stronger than I originally thought. *Go me Go me*

I have too much stuff running around in my head...couldn't sleep this morning. Took the hottest shower I could stand.

I think I have fucked it all up...it's what I do.

Another day....

It's another day around my way.

I have plenty to do but no motivation to get it done. Planning my big spring trip *waves* "Hey girl can't wait to get on the strip witchu!!!"

Gotta buy my ticket, maybe I should use a travel agent hmmmm *scratches head*

Dropped the BOMB on the hubster today.... *giggle*

My plan is to have a great time.... What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas...one can only hope!
*giggle tee hee hee hee hee*

Worth

What are you worth? I know the answer when I ask that question. It makes things clearer than they have been in ages. It made me smile today. Some things were meant to be spoken.

Open Book

Am I an open book? I see myself as an emotional person, I'm a cancer, a moonchild so I'm affected by things people wouldn't even give a 2nd thought. I've tried to close myself off for protection, but when I'm open...I'm open. I have moments of terror when I realize I am no longer protected. It happens often, but I'm able to maintain. I think and rethink and the terror usually subsides. I've been hurt in my life on levels that scarred my soul, but this is who I am. I am not ashamed of the woman I have become, though I would like to make her a little less flawed...flaws are what make us human. Perfectly flawed I am. Flawed, in love,terrified, me.

It's alive...

It's friday the weather is nice and I'm looking forward to having just a few days to relax. In anticipation of the upcoming free time, I've been getting tingles all day. It may be the knowledge that I'm able to orgasm at all, but I can't keep still now. I'm squirming in my chair. The beating of my heart is matched by the thumping in my clit. My nipples are hard and I want to feel a tongue on them. If I squeeze my thighs together the sensation borders on a familiar happiness. I'm feeling needy in the most delicious sense of the word.

It's the mind that matters

I'm back on my meds, for now. I'm feeling okay with that. It's not like the last time when I was in a panic when I swallowed the first dose. I've removed the stigma I feel because I've had to medicate my brain, it is what it is. ANYWAYS....

The side affects of the medication are sexual ones. I've been anxious about that but not to worry this girl had a plan.

If you want something bad enough the mind takes over, the mind can work joyful wonders.

I laid in the darkness wanting release so badly. I can feel his hands gripping my ass. I close my eyes and picture his hot tongue on my clit, slowly licking the wetness off the inside of my thighs. My nipples harden silently begging for their chance. I picture myself frantically pulling his head into my wetness. I whisper his name, begging. He delights in my urgency and consumes me.

I swear at that moment my orgasm thundered through my entire body. I wanted to weep. Just knowing one of the most private parts of me is still intact made me more joyful then I have been in a long time.


!

Road Trip!!!

So I'm planning a road trip for me myself and I. As soon as I separate from this job! Well it's not really a ROAD TRIP because I'm flying but I will be renting a car from the airport and traveling a few hours all by my lonesome. I'm excited about doing something for me. It's a renewal of my spirit as I take the next step into my REAL LIFE! I'll be spending a couple of days in the mountains doing my own thing and then I'll be going down to visit one of my best girlfriends... I see the mall and walmart in my future. Just me no kids no hubby no job no worries? I hope no worries.
I can't stop smiling I'm just so ready.....so fucking ready...wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Colin Ferrell sex tape!

So I got to peep the leaked tape of him doing his thing with some sista. He's packing a decent sized dick, uncircumsized, a little too hairy... needs a trim around the pubic area and balls but let me tell you one muthafuckin' thang, that white boy ate that pussy like it was his job! Ya'll ain't heard me! HE ATE THE JUICE OFF THAT PUSSY!!! That white boys got skills, I don't know shit about his acting, but his coochie eating skills get him an OSCAR!!!!

Parts needed???

I had my annual exam 2 weeks ago. I'm a free and clear! That was a relief. I'm terrified of cancer of any kind. I do have to start mammagrams this year(OUCH!) Nothing like a machine turning your luscious titties into pancakes for the sake of science. I'm scared as hell, but not as scared as I am of breast cancer. I think about it and how it takes over the lives of the women who have it. Seems that everyone loves breasts so what happens to your womanhood when they are scarred or gone all together? I feel the very same way about my uterus. I don't plan on having any more children( unless I can talk a certain someone into running off to Jamaica and having a hut full) so I know my uterus isn't NEEDED but it's mine and I want to keep it. Do our parts as a whole make us women or is it the life we lead that keeps us in womanhood? Would I be any less a woman if one or both of my breast were removed? Would I still light fires it there were no chance of babies springing forth from me? It makes me truly think of how I define myself. I don't think of myself as "womanly" too much of a tomboy, but I'm all woman. Does that change if I lose those parts?

Take care of you

Life is happening all around me everyday and I'm trying to keep up. It's been a struggle in the last month, but I feel I'm getting on track now.
Talked to my Daddy today, tried to talk him into getting his prostate and colon checked. It was a no go...the man has worked at the same hospital for the last 27yrs, he's a dept head for Christ sakes, but he won't have the tests done. I worry about him because he has a lot going on. With the death of my ex step mother(bitch!) a couple of years ago he's raising my 14yr old little sis and he still has my 2 little brothers, my grandfather and his(my Dad's) wife to deal with. I just want him to be around long enough for me to have to take care of him. Even though that thought scares the hell out of me. I love my Daddy, flaws and all. He loves me just the same.