Friday Wishes

I wish...

I didn't have to go to this play tonight

I didn't know what I know

My son could control himself so I don't have to talk to his teacher one mo gin

I had went to college straight out of high school

I didn't love him (so much)

I could do the math and it all add up

I wanted what he wanted

I didn't believe in some of the thing I believe in

I didn't want to work while in school

It had never happened

I wasn't such a pimptress (LOL)

I could turn water into wine

I could turn fat into muscle

I could run four miles in 38 minutes everyday

The inside of my thighs didn't look like rolling hills

I had my tits done when I had the chance

I could stick to a workout and eating plan fo life

Is it love?

Is it love if he has wash your scent from his body before he hits the door?

Is it love when your time together are stolen moments?

Is it love when the memory of your time together is confined between 4 walls?

Is it love when you only get hours (sometimes minutes) ?

Is it love when you know you will never be in the number one spot?

Is it love when your soul weeps from the pain of loving someone else's someone?

The heart don't lie or does it?

Is it love?

Golden!

You don't want to talk to me this weekend for your own reasons...

I'm not trippin' off of that. If I have something to say to you, I say it.

My brain will not let me feed into your hostage silence.

But now you want to look, really look at me...as I stand in my bra and slip on my panties...you want to look at me with that look I have seen a thousand times in the last 12 yrs...

Now you want some pussy, guess what...my pussy don't feel like talkin today.

Silence ain't the only thing that's golden...

Friday Wishes

I wish...

I could grind up on him to LL's new song

I had caught those beckies who shoe polished my truck for homecoming class wars

My son didn't have a becky fan club

I didn't know that they find him sexy (vomit)

I could fall back in love with running again

I could get my eating under control 24/7

November would hurry up and get here

I didn't live for Fridays

I was better at science

I could follow my heart's desire

I wasn't worried about the consequences

I could go to the Aveda spa every month

I felt like doing my hair

The most high had NEVER made mosquitoes

I didn't know that if he does it with you he will do it to you (mama ain't lied about that)

I loved school like some other folks

I was more patient with those I love

I could get my "back tight"

Cynical Me

I'm did the fitness thing this morning. They announced that one of the couples there is celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. Aww ain't that sweet?

Instantly some questions popped in to my head...

Who cheated first
Who has cheated the most
Who's their 20% and third
Can someone fuck the same person for 25yrs and keep it poppin
Do they still love each other
Do they stay together because they want to

I'm not a romantic (no shit) so don't mind me. 25yrs is a long time, shit people get 25yrs for murder...

It's too early for this shit!

I take fitness very seriously (yeah right!) I am trying to get back in shape (round is a shape) and kick my jelly bean addiction.

I get up in the middle of the fucking night (okay it's 345am but it's still dark) to work out because with school work kids hubster homework sleeping and eating, I don't have enough time when the sun is out. (oh how I miss the sun).

I know I got bumps and rolls. I see them everyday. I don't subject OTHER people to my bumps and rolls cause I got good home training!

There are some chicks in my fitness class that haven't gotten the memo that you can't wear your old "skinny girl" clothes when you've become fluffy (fat). Those cute little cheerleading shorts you wore in high school are so not the business when you've put on 40+ lbs.

No amount of yanking and tugging are going to keep them out da crack of your now fat ass.

Those extra smedium shirts aren't going to keep your rolls from rolling out from under the bottom hem.

Hey fat girl move up 3 sizes, it's fucking 445 am, it too fucking early for me to see anyone else rolls but mine. PUT SOME FUCKING CLOTHES ON...I know it's hard to let go of the skinny girl image you have in your head...I've been there.

Trust and believe that ain't a fun house mirror at your house, YOU FAT!

If'fn I see your rolls one mo 'gin Imma bring some spray butter and I'm going to butter them rolls up.

KE.EP MOVIN'!!!

Wanting. Control.

I'm feeling a bit out of control.

Wanting. Wanting. Wanting.

It's almost painful as I try to hold it all together to give my life a sense of normalcy .

Inside it rages . Wanting becomes a Category 5.

Leaving nothing untouched, leaving behind a mournful emptiness and scattered needs.

Friday Wishes

I wish...

Love really did conquer all

My heart was really in it

I wasn't such a hypocrite

I didn't hate him so much

I could love unconditionally

I could trust fully

I could have my cake and eat it too

I hadn't backed myself into a marriage

I could get unlimited snuggle time

I could say what was really on my mind when he asks "what's on your mind"

He really wanted to know what was on my mind

That there was really LIBERTY and JUSTICE for ALL

Baby brother didn't have to go back to iraq

My BFF didn't have to go back to iraq

I was dedicated as I need to be in all aspects of my life

I could run around like a horny crook

For Serious?

Muthafuckas have really lost their damn minds. Me and my girl "Thelma" are planning a girl's weekend in November. I figure by then I'll be stressed the fuck out from school and a break will do my body good.

I wanted to go see Jazmine Sullivan in concert, she's opening for Maxwell. Welll this sista isn't a Maxwell fan, he ain't got enough bass in his voice for me. I was willing to pay a decent price to see Jazzi do her thang. I LURVE her.

Don't you know that Maxwell tickets are $250+. Nigga(I can't stand that word but it fits) WHAT? For some dude singing all breathy and high like Mariah? For SERIOUS?

What hits has this fool had? Did I miss something? When's the last time he had a banger or anything on the charts?

I was tempted like a mofo to leave a nasty gram on his myspace page, but I'm grown so I ain't going to do that.

I know hoes gotta eat, but almost 3 bills to see someone sing...if'fn I'm paying that kind of loot Jesus (the real one) better be your hype man!


FUCK MAXWELL'S ASS!

& Love

He called me beautiful & my smile started in my heart
He called me sexy & I got that tingle in my spine
He wanted to love me in his own way & take me to my unsafe places
Whispering trust & faith as he laid inside me
He held my gaze & smiled
I tingled & surrendered & I slipped & fell in love...


and it's still true today

Official Announcement

My back was officially blown the fuck out at 12:25pm CST.

Thank you and have wonderful night.

GO MEAT!

in "living" color

He stood in that black suit, hands in his pockets. It took my breath away. All panic subsided. I wanted to touch him, smell him. Then he smiled all big and wide open. Nothing else mattered.

I dream in color.

Number one fan!

My son is 17, he's a wonderful, intelligent, funny and creative kid. I've struggled being a young mother, but my husband and I have done our best to make him a strong black man. Imparting knowledge whenever we could.

I visited Terry's blog, he was opening up to his son and giving him love in the form of wisdom. I immediately thought of Lupe's song.




My son's biological father has been in the wind for a long time...the hardest part is my son knows who is father is, he was once a active part of his life. So the pain is multiplied.

I am my son's number one fan.

Need... part I

I stared at a blank screen for a few seconds trying to get my thoughts together...replaying the scene.... me laying in the dark, nipples hard, breath coming in short bursts, body on fire, fingers slick with the flavor of me. I tried to hold it off but I wanted so badly to give into the image playing in my head, give into the love in my heart. I slid my fingers out of my wet warmth and squeezed ever so slightly at first and then with more pressure until I knew I wouldn't be able to remain on the edge of needing you. I gave in and let that sweet feeling come over me, I shook with the intensity of 100 neglected nights. I spoke the dirty words I long to moan into your ear and whispered your name as I imagined you inside of me.

Need... part II

I was told this need eventually fades.

Today it returned like a fire that is inextinguishable


My nipples came to attention pushing against their captor's fabric.

I took in a long breath, I knew what was next...I felt my clit swell. Blood rushing into the sweetest part of me making me want to cry out, to share my misery.

The rhythm of my clit pulsating muting the beating of my heart. I wanted to touch myself, to take away the need I'm feeling. I will save these feelings for you. Letting your lips and tongue subdue my fire and devour & sate me.

I.NEED.YOU.