Challenge o' mine

It has been 1 month 2 weeks 5 days since I started my "buy what I need challenge." I almost got caught up!


LIP GLOSS!!!!

I have a thing for lip gloss it's almost as bad as my love for shoes! I consider my lips my second best feature (my ass is my first..... duh!) The fall line is being shown EVERY WHERE!!! I have stayed strong and fought off the urge to buy. As much as love lip gloss, I've been wearing Anita Grants lip pucker for most of year. Can't remember the last time I put on some MAC gloss. So I ran away from the temptation.

I DID IT!!!


tomorrow is another day and another dollar not spent!

I still need another pair of pants for school and I need some new work out pants (*le sigh)
I figure if I buy the work out pants I won't need to buy new pants( in a bigger size) the old ones will fit...(*le sigh sigh)

A world of my own? Not today.

I'm trying to conquer Algebra! I want to beat it into submission. I had my first exam today. When I leave my house I'm usually in my own world. I don't associate with anyone unless I'm at workstudy. I wear my headphones outside of class. I don't really want to converse with anyone I need to concentrate. I was doing just that today and someone entered my world. He called my name as I'm studying, young white kid. I just kind of stare at him because he's not my kind...he's not loc'd, he's not older, he's not black, he's not in my world. He looks at me with this goofy grin and says...."I really like your hair!" I'm not speechless just not feeling social but I remember my home training and say thank you and go back to my note cards(yes I have note cards for algebra! and?). His friends laugh at him and tell him he doesn't stand a chance. I act like I don't hear them. In my world they don't exist. Not today, probably not tomorrow either.

It hurts...

It hasn't even been a week but I miss him so much it hurts. I haven't cried yet...meds must be working. My support system has kicked in and they call and check on us. That makes me feel good. I know we are blessed and I try to see that everyday, but in the quiet moments at night when I'm laying in bed the absence of his breathing is almost unbearable. Jah cries most nights, he feels alone because daddy is his best friend and his partner in crime. I try to soothe him, but I can see in his eyes it's not enough. I don't take it personally. I know his daddy feels the same way about him. Syd cries a little but only when she can hear her brother's pain. J has really manned up, his daddy is counting on him to help and he won't let him down. I will stay strong for them. During the sunlight hours I am at my strongest. I CAN do this. I WILL do this!

I forgot

I love to write it has kept me from doing all kinds of crazy off the map shit!


I often forget that you (collectively) are reading it. Not that you are unimportant, but I'm zoning out when I write and the reader(s) is/are not foremost in my mind.

Yesterday I got some mad luv from someone I consider a friend. ("Hi Ms. Moe") It took me out of my zone in a good way. It made me think of my blessings. Writing is one of those blessings.


Life has been hard for me for a few years now. I've faltered and lost myself.

I called my big sis in a panic ....screaming crying snotting...I told her I couldn't do it. As my luv's departure gets closer and closer that dark dank pit in my stomach grabbed a hold of me. I gave in to the panic.

Big sis told me in her "don't fuck with me voice"
oh you WILL and CAN do this. remember those times you wanted to runaway, this is your chance to experience what you were running to. this is God's way of opening your eyes and showing you life. oh you WILL and CAN do this. remember those dark morning waiting at the bus stop with J in your arms taking 5 buses to get to school and work. oh you WILL and CAN do this! this is who WE are this is WHO you are. in the midst of your illness you have forgotten WHERE and WHO you came from. oh you WILL and CAN do this. love your children love your man love yourself. there is no CAN'T only can! we gonna pray for guidance and patience. we gonna pray that the Lord sees fit to bring your man home with a sound mind and body. we are going to be specific in our prayers asking for EXACTLY what we need. oh you WILL and CAN do this.

She blew me away and I stopped screaming crying snotting.


You see I forgot who I was. Let me explain that better. I come from a long line of STRONG intelligent black women. I ain't just talking book smarts! I talking about do what you gotta do to take care of yours. I did ride five buses to get my son to daycare and to get myself to work and school. I joined the military to give us a better life. I married a white man because I loved him even though I knew people hated to see us together. I've been called nigger to my face and kept my cool and didn't go to jail. I've looked in face of sexism and showed them just how smart they WEREN'T!


Some where along the way I lost me. I forgot me. As of today I'm on the road back to me. Join me on my journey won't you?

Off the wagon...

Hello my name is Poetry it has been 15 minutes since my last donut......




AWWWWW DAMN THEY SOOO GOOD!

On my first step of twelve...

Hello my names is Poetry and it has been two days since my last donut.....



BOOOOOO! DONUTS!!!

So the day is getting closer. I'm trying to keep it together. Taking my meds everyday like good girl. I'm a little nervous, but people do this everyday with less than I have right now. School is screaming at me for hours everyday. It's my blessing so I can't complain out loud about it. I'm missing my sister, she seems so far away, but I can always pick up the phone when I get the chance. Some people don't have that either.

I have a sinus infection but I really don't have time to get to the doctor. Afraid the antibiotics will mess with my birth control. Better make an appt before it gets out of hand. I can't afford not to take care of me right about now.