Poetry's in Motion

Life happens one step at a time....keep moving...

Monday, November 27, 2006

Trouble at the laundry...

I'm picking up laundry this weekend. Gotta keep the uniforms pressed, boots shined, blah blah blah! I'm standing in line minding my business. Arm full of clothes ready for drop off. There he was Chocolate Trouble...this town is too fucking small. I turned my head because he hadn't seen me and I hoped he would take his shit and roll out. I finished my task,dropped off the wrinkled and picked up the pressed.
He was waiting at my truck, driving the hubsters because I fill up his gas tank on the week ends. He sticks his hands in his pockets and moves aside as I place everything on a hook in the back seat. I don't say a word to him, I open my door and step up into the drivers seat. He tells me he's seen me around but didn't want to seem stalkerish. This town is too fucking small! I put my key in the ignition and try to shut my door. He stammers out an apology. He's holding on to the door. I tell him I don't want his apology I just want him to go away. He just smiles at me and shakes his head. Then he tells me he knows he stepped over the line and he knows why I'm pissed. I just look at him and pull on the door. He holds the door and tells me he's not a bad person but when he saw my pain he felt like he knew me in a way. I tell him he doesn't know me and doesn't know anything about me and if he was trying to fuck me he went about it all wrong. He laughs and asks me if there's a right way to go about it. I laugh in spite of myself because he's got me on principle. I tell him only a select few know the right way and he will never be one of them. He smiles again. I smile back because it's free and I can see he's really trying to do what he feels is the right thing. I wish we could be friends he tells me and lets go of the door. I tell him if that was what he really wanted he would've been more respectful and not treated it as a game he was trying to win. Then he shoves his hands in his pockets and steps away from me. He calls me by my first name which I never gave him and tells me to take care. I turn up my Anthony Hamilton and head home to the one who really knows me.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Down Came the Pain

So I started new meds today, because the old ones aren't working. The weighed me at the doctor's office. I've put on 25lbs...oh shit.

I read and reread the message. I finally broke. I sobbed and released everything I had tried to withhold from myself . An expression of love that released something so painful. It was needed. I asked God why I couldn't just be healed inside and out. Still waiting on that answer. I look at my blessings and feel pain, I wake up and the pain is just below the surface, hanging over my heart. Squeezing my mind. Taking me closer to my edge. I looked into his eyes and I felt pain, he just wanted to help and for that I love him today. Roadtrip tomorrow.

Thank you, you know who you are. When you read this know that I love you in a place that is so deep I can not visit it as often as I would like. I fucked up I know this but you loved me inspite of me, before I even knew who "me" was. Real and lasting...what will be will be...Graceful blessings...get it...I'm smiling through the pain on this day of your beginning. Thank you.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Still

It's strange how people are connected in life How you can know when someone is reaching out to you even when they aren't saying anything to you.

It's Nov. once again and I'm trying to keep my mind occupied so I don't dwell on past wrongs.

I thought of her today and wondered if a week would ever pass without me thinking of her at least once. The pain of her absence never seems to fade. It only gets worse this time of year. How do you miss someone you never met? How does someone live within you when they are long gone so long ago?

Her Daddy's birthday is this month. I wonder if he ever thinks about her, if he misses her? Is it just a mother thing?

I miss her. I miss her Daddy.

I try not to think of all the other things I have missed or the things she has missed.

Another year has passed and I still love her, she still lives within me. I still feel her spirit.

Still.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Baby Brother

Baby Brother sweeping houses in Iraq. Took 2 to the chest. Bruised ribs and he's still alive. Kevlar kept him alive to sweep another day.

Lost the man who went in before him. Someone is weeping for their son tonight, a mother lost her son, a family is torn apart, but today it is NOT our family. I am selfish and grateful today. I am prayerful for tomorrow.
 
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