Down Came the Pain

So I started new meds today, because the old ones aren't working. The weighed me at the doctor's office. I've put on 25lbs...oh shit.

I read and reread the message. I finally broke. I sobbed and released everything I had tried to withhold from myself . An expression of love that released something so painful. It was needed. I asked God why I couldn't just be healed inside and out. Still waiting on that answer. I look at my blessings and feel pain, I wake up and the pain is just below the surface, hanging over my heart. Squeezing my mind. Taking me closer to my edge. I looked into his eyes and I felt pain, he just wanted to help and for that I love him today. Roadtrip tomorrow.

Thank you, you know who you are. When you read this know that I love you in a place that is so deep I can not visit it as often as I would like. I fucked up I know this but you loved me inspite of me, before I even knew who "me" was. Real and lasting...what will be will be...Graceful blessings...get it...I'm smiling through the pain on this day of your beginning. Thank you.