Mama's Drama

I wanted to write today about so many things that I’m not able to write about anything so here goes my attempt.

My granny is/was sick she’s doing much better today…talking and alert. She’s a fighter from the word G-O!!! She’s passed that on to the women in our family. We are strong in spirit but not always in heart and mind, but we stand together in a time of crisis and that’s what truly matters.

Now my mother is my Granny’s favorite child, my sorry ass uncle is a close 2nd. I don’t claim to be kin to him because he’s just so trife and I don’t have the energy for his shit.
My mother is a Drama Queen since the time she left the womb and my Granny spoiled her. During this trip I couldn’t deal with my mother, she broke down several times, even when all the rest of us were trying to live in the wonderful light of family my Granny has passed onto us, she was silent and sulking. I moved away from her because I was hurting as well and I needed to live my Granny’s light.
She broke down at the hospital laying on the floor screaming and crying…I tried to take the stairs because the elevator was too slow…do you know that hospital now lock their stairways and they are unlocked automatically when there is a fire? Ain’t that some shit!!! I left her in front of the elevator with my Big sis and her Hubster. I just pushed the 1st floor button and watched the doors close. She was screaming she wanted to die. Which would leave me and my sis motherless, so once again in life I was so insignificant, I wasn’t worth living for, my children weren’t worth living for. I took that shit real personal. I wanted to dare her to do it, because I was so angry she was bringing her drama.
I left the hospital with my little sis and my young niece who has witnessed the whole ordeal. I put them in the truck and called my Dad(lub lub lub) who happens to be my best friend…I freaked out on him as soon as he answered his cell….told him I couldn’t take her bullshit!!! I was hurting and needed to feel safe so that’s always where I run…Dad. I talked to him all the way back to my Aunt’s place. He told me to deal the best way I could…everyone deals differently no right or wrong way. I told him I was angry at her for being so self absorbed…he told me I was angry at her for so many other things they were running into each other…Well isn’t he smart. Yep. He told me that she was dealing and perhaps it was all an act but so what she was dealing in her own way. It was, after all, her mother. He said I was angry because she wasn’t giving ME the opportunity to lean on her, well damn ain’t he still smart?
The hubster comes out of the house and sits with me in the truck. After I get off the phone with my Dad, after we pray, the Hubster tells me that no one in the house is trying to comfort my Mom except my oldest who is 14. All the grown-ups have retreated…with good reason.
On the advice of my Hubby I go to her because she is the only mother I will ever have and she’s hurting…see I do have a heart…
I tell her we will make it, we are from a strong family and we will do whatever we have to do to make my Granny proud. She looks me in the eyes and tells me…I will not live without her I won’t…I walk away…I’ve had my drama soup and I’m full.
She goes outside and my middle child brings me a note for her…it say
“Nammy Im sory yur mama sick I hop she fels bettr soon”…it’s beautiful he’s typed it and printed it out and signed his name in his 6yr old printing. Have I mentioned my children are FUCKING GREAT!!!!???? I show it to my family and give it to her, I told her if this isn’t worth living for then I don’t know what is. I’m through with her at this point. I want to understand but I can’t imagine leaving my kids for ANYTHING on this earth, or causing them more pain because I want all eyes on me…ANGRY? HELL TO THE YEAH…Loving her any less….HELL TO THE NAW!!!