one more step

I got my form in the mail. This Dr. is supposed to be a good one. They say it's an outpatient procedure now. No more babies for this girly, I've been blessed enough. 26 July is my day....

Downsizing

I decided to unpublish(is that word...off to webster's) some of my stuff, just needed to thin out the herd, getting ready for the move. I'll be leaving this stuff here and heading in a different direction new time new space ya know? If there's something missing you want to see holla at ya girl with a e-mail/comment and I'll gladly send it to ya!

Boo hiss Doctors!!!

So I had another Dr. appt today....more blood more fasting blah blah blah...cried a little cause once again I'm scared, but I'm hopeful, prayerful. Shit I'm too young to be falling apart and of course my simple self had the tests done on a fuckin' Friday, but I really didn't want to go in on my birfday(birf, not birth) so I did it today. I swear those needles keep gettin' bigger pretty soon they'll just hook a garden hose up to me and suck away. I am brave...I am not sick!

Move somethin'

So I've decided I need to move...no, not out of my house, but out of this space. Searching the net looking for a new home for my words, thoughts, bitchin and moanin. More info to come...well were moving on up....

I take me back

If you could see inside my soul I do not want I do not need. Do not read my words do not read my thoughts you are not here. I will not allow inside of me the you on the outside. I do not want I do not need. Wrapped me in a blanket of fuck you and piss off and felt safe for the first time in 3 long years. Worthy of being seen heard adored and remembered. The destroyer of trust soul love.
I will not allow hurt within my safest place, here is your notice of eviction you are no longer welcome. You now have an issue box of your very own. Lid firmly in place taped and ready for shipment to the darkest place I can find within she. I do not want I do not need. My words are now mine close your eyes close my heart close my life...

In need of prayer

I'm not a religious person, my belief is there is a higher power could be male or female or neither. I believe origanized religion has been adopted by society to divide and conquer. Moving on...

I asked Auntie to add him to her prayer list. When you are found at your "gubmint" job passed out with a needle in your arm and a warm spoon at your side you are in need of prayer. I knew he was a crackhead, but damn! He's so going to the clink now. Ain't no way around it better hope his ass doesn't end up at Ft. L for an extended stay.

Love... Surface...Light

It was said...
"Well just remember im always here if you want to talk.... and i still love you as much as the first time i saw you... you always have a place in my heart"

I love my friends, what a way to end a birthday. Sometimes the truth is just the truth and it has to be brought to the surface and given light. I am a better person today because I have spoken my truths and had them spoken to me.

It is unreal

So it went on for over an hour purging laughing and just talking shit. It was nice to talk to him at him and about him...
Good laughter all around he's still smart as hell more tats with deep meanings. He made fun of me and I laughed because he knows my passion for the silly and unimportant.

I will not invite him here... he is not ready for the me I have become.

I need have my ass in bed. Have to give the Dr. more blood in about 6 hours. I want to eat something sweet but I have to fast until they draw the blood. I need a drink...oh boy do I need and want one!

Gooooo....it's my birthday.....

Thought i would keep it simple this year and just wish you a Happy B-Day

When I got this in my e-mail I swear my heart stopped and I just sat dead still. It wasn't expected, it has been so long since we talked. I know he's still alive. Time and change.

I got the birthday call from my dad, I got the annual birthday song...I waited for it all day...my mama called me and sang off key...big sis called to wake me up and then called again before she went to bed...gotta love being best friends with your sister..lil sis left a message on the machine as well as my favorite Auntie. I don't mind gettin older. I like it. 33 ain't bad looking forward to the next year....Time and change.

Funny Funny

Rolling by...

The days are rolling by as I try to find things to consume my time. Started new meds and waiting for something to happen not sure what but something. Been eating like a crazy woman, I have fallen in love with bing cherries and are eating them in large quanities...yum yum yum.

Trying to find out what I'm going to do for the 4th...thinking just thinking of what others are doing on the 4th....our day of independence.