0424

It woke me up this morning. 0424, 21 minutes before I should be up.
Him again.
He put on some weight and his hair was longer than before. It scared the shit out of me because I was a prisoner in this dream and why he was there, I don't know.
I had a sense of urgency trying to get to him. It was sexual which has thrown me for a loop, perhaps I need to get laid. He kept denying me and I wouldn't take no for an answer. I broke him down and he finally gave in, but then it was no longer sexual it was just an emotional scene with both of us crying.

Don't know what to make of this but I needed to write about it to get it out of my head. I so don't want him there.
I asked my best friend K how she deals with her demons and she said she just looks at her life and knows it better now than when those demons were real people, that's why I love her because she is so smart and straight to the point!

So what is going in his life that has caused him to come to me on a sexual and emotional level? Will we always be connected in someway because we shared and lost so much? Am I being punished for the things I did to him. Is he taunting me? Is he going to come back into my life? Or is he reaching out to me? There are somethings I will simply not know.