Slipping Backward

I think my depression is coming back...I'm terrified right now. I feel like I'm sinking. I'm writing as fast as I can because I feel like if I can get it out this time I won't slip backward. Is it chemical am I destined to fight this battle forever...I don't think I can take that. I need balance and I would love to find it in human contact but I'm leaning more towards a stiff drink...slipping backward indeed.