My first draft

I feel like I'm dying not that I really know what dying feels like but emotionally I'm all over the place. Crying for no reason, drifting off when I should be attentive. Is it the darkness coming back to haunt me. What the fuck have I done with all this crazy love shit? I'm having severe trust issues and the person I trust the very least is the person I should love the very most. I don't even think I trust myself anymore. I feel like I'm a different person. I look in the mirror and I don't know her, who is she and what does she want. Is it time to get back on my meds? I so don't want that, but I don't want the drama either. He's been gone just a few days and I'm fucking falling apart, but I know his absence isn't the reason. Loving is hard and it hurts. When you see the truth it is what is. I feel exposed like I've said too much and now I want too much but it will never be enough, or maybe I will never be enough...perhaps that's my biggest problem. I can't or won't change my everyday and it's eating my alive.