The sins of my father
Beware you are warned
I think I was 7... I stood outside that school for what seemed like forever. This was a time when a child could be out alone everyone else had gone home. I sat on the railing my skirt blowing in a very unladylike fashion. I usually walked home but it was Friday and I was spending the weekend with my dad. Mom had packed my good clothes in a small bag which sat sad and lonely beside me. He did finally show but offered no explanation as to why I was the only one still left.
That wouldn't be the last time. I loved that man so it didn't really matter to me, not at that time. I couldn't let it matter.
I must have set by that door for 3 hours my mother had switched from cigarettes to fat joints at the end of hour 2. I didn't want to call him because I knew he was on the way, he wouldn't be home. At the end of hour 4 it was 11pm. I called and he picked up the phone. He was sleeping. "Daddy are you gonna pick me up?" I looked to my moms because she had started to sweat on her top lip which was a sure as shit sign she was beyond pissed. He was groggy not on top of his game so in that moment he was honest...he had forgotten it was his weekend. I was 9 and this would be the first time my heart was broken. He promised he would come get me the next morning, but the damage to my female soul was done. I remember unpacking my bag and crying for the rest of the night. My mother would tell me not once but many times "that nigga ain't shit, he's crazy!"
These moment in the history of me and my father would mold me in ways I still think about today. I learned in these moments that men are flawed, but I learned to accept those flaws and at times take them as my own. These moments allowed me to let men into my soul who didn't not deserve to be there. These moments taught me to take less because perhaps I didn't deserve more. My father would always give me wisdom and life teaching, but his actions taught me so many more things I didn't need to know. Because of the sins of my father I have been able to love men who did not deserve that love or deserve me for that matter. My father's actions taught me to overlook and accept less, because a little bit of something is better than nothing. When you are 9 yrs old you do not want to know your daddy is flawed, but he has given me so much more than I even realize. It ain't all bad. I love my daddy flaws and all.
AM319
I think I was 7... I stood outside that school for what seemed like forever. This was a time when a child could be out alone everyone else had gone home. I sat on the railing my skirt blowing in a very unladylike fashion. I usually walked home but it was Friday and I was spending the weekend with my dad. Mom had packed my good clothes in a small bag which sat sad and lonely beside me. He did finally show but offered no explanation as to why I was the only one still left.
That wouldn't be the last time. I loved that man so it didn't really matter to me, not at that time. I couldn't let it matter.
I must have set by that door for 3 hours my mother had switched from cigarettes to fat joints at the end of hour 2. I didn't want to call him because I knew he was on the way, he wouldn't be home. At the end of hour 4 it was 11pm. I called and he picked up the phone. He was sleeping. "Daddy are you gonna pick me up?" I looked to my moms because she had started to sweat on her top lip which was a sure as shit sign she was beyond pissed. He was groggy not on top of his game so in that moment he was honest...he had forgotten it was his weekend. I was 9 and this would be the first time my heart was broken. He promised he would come get me the next morning, but the damage to my female soul was done. I remember unpacking my bag and crying for the rest of the night. My mother would tell me not once but many times "that nigga ain't shit, he's crazy!"
These moment in the history of me and my father would mold me in ways I still think about today. I learned in these moments that men are flawed, but I learned to accept those flaws and at times take them as my own. These moments allowed me to let men into my soul who didn't not deserve to be there. These moments taught me to take less because perhaps I didn't deserve more. My father would always give me wisdom and life teaching, but his actions taught me so many more things I didn't need to know. Because of the sins of my father I have been able to love men who did not deserve that love or deserve me for that matter. My father's actions taught me to overlook and accept less, because a little bit of something is better than nothing. When you are 9 yrs old you do not want to know your daddy is flawed, but he has given me so much more than I even realize. It ain't all bad. I love my daddy flaws and all.
AM319
posted by Poetry @ 3:01 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home