Here we go....again
So I knew this was going to be tough week for me. The job is playing at war and I'm just tired and I have a MASSIVE case of PMS...so I know even though I want to I can't control everything around me...
The dreams have started again this time the setting is unfamiliar and the feelings are just a foreign to me.
I'm laying on a bed made up of brightly colored silk fabric and pillows. I'm in the fetal position in stark a white t shirt and panties. I'm crying, I'm hurting for whatever reason but some how I know he is the cause, but I never say that. He is laying behind me spooning me. He's wearing a white undershirt and basketball shorts. He's stroking my palms with his hands, for some reason that stands out to me. He's telling me not to cry
Me: "What did you say to them what did you tell them?" this sentence comes in between my sobs
Him: "I told them that I loved you and it didn't matter."
The entire time he is stroking my palms. I always remember the feel of his hands.
I don't know what to make of this dream it is not like the others. It has left me baffled and consumed most of my day. It played itself over and over in my head. One frame after the next. I can't make any sense of it. Why that setting? I don't even like silk bedding or bright colors in my bedroom. Why those words and why won't he stay the hell out of my head? Why does it bother me so much that he's there? I want to be able to hate him, but I know that will never be, but I want that so maybe I want be so angry because I didn't get my way.
Okay it's official I'm not your friend anymore.
I don't know what angers me more that you refuse to talk to me or the fact that I can't seem to reconcile that. How could you walk away from your best friend? I mean four years of sharing everything and not a fucking word, you know what... fuck you! I made some mistakes I was far from perfect, but how do you go from sharing everything to sharing nothing? I've grown but you will never now that you didn't give me the chance to make things right. I'm angry because I still long for your friendship for your approval and your reassurance that it's okay to be the fucked up me. That's what friends do. I would've been that friend for you if only you had let me. I'm sorry I hurt you. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry. It hurts for me to think for even a minute that you just don't want to be my best friend anymore...how fucking 2nd grade is that? I'll let you go first on the swings...
Blessings....
The dreams have started again this time the setting is unfamiliar and the feelings are just a foreign to me.
I'm laying on a bed made up of brightly colored silk fabric and pillows. I'm in the fetal position in stark a white t shirt and panties. I'm crying, I'm hurting for whatever reason but some how I know he is the cause, but I never say that. He is laying behind me spooning me. He's wearing a white undershirt and basketball shorts. He's stroking my palms with his hands, for some reason that stands out to me. He's telling me not to cry
Me: "What did you say to them what did you tell them?" this sentence comes in between my sobs
Him: "I told them that I loved you and it didn't matter."
The entire time he is stroking my palms. I always remember the feel of his hands.
I don't know what to make of this dream it is not like the others. It has left me baffled and consumed most of my day. It played itself over and over in my head. One frame after the next. I can't make any sense of it. Why that setting? I don't even like silk bedding or bright colors in my bedroom. Why those words and why won't he stay the hell out of my head? Why does it bother me so much that he's there? I want to be able to hate him, but I know that will never be, but I want that so maybe I want be so angry because I didn't get my way.
Okay it's official I'm not your friend anymore.
I don't know what angers me more that you refuse to talk to me or the fact that I can't seem to reconcile that. How could you walk away from your best friend? I mean four years of sharing everything and not a fucking word, you know what... fuck you! I made some mistakes I was far from perfect, but how do you go from sharing everything to sharing nothing? I've grown but you will never now that you didn't give me the chance to make things right. I'm angry because I still long for your friendship for your approval and your reassurance that it's okay to be the fucked up me. That's what friends do. I would've been that friend for you if only you had let me. I'm sorry I hurt you. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry. It hurts for me to think for even a minute that you just don't want to be my best friend anymore...how fucking 2nd grade is that? I'll let you go first on the swings...
Blessings....
posted by Poetry @ 10:10 PM
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