Negativity
I'm a negative person, I've realized this about myself for the longest time. The darkness is what drives me out of my mind even if I'm surrounded by light most of the time.
I always ask myself if I'm happy, at this point the answer would be no. But I sit in silence not wanting to address the reasons I'm not.
I don't want to be touched by him and just a day a go I longed for him, but I know as the day dawns I am not the person I need or want to be and I don't trust him. I have always taken great care to smile at the right time to let my mind go blank when asked what I'm thinking.
I'm thinking I deserve more he deserves more. I know what I want but if someone truly loves you don't they make their business to know, to attempt to see the sun in your smile.
The romance died a long time ago, and I'm the happy victim and say nothing, because what's the point really. I love him.
Looking for things at home that no longer exist and he's content or so he says, so I'm living.
He does not know the person that I am because that person will never let him in because although many things are in the past the pain is fresher on some days than on others. But no one wants to hear about the past mistakes mine or his so you say nothing and pray that you never have to fight that war again, because you should've surrendered the last time. Battle scars, fade but never really disappear.
He is content to hang out, to be away, not thinking for a moment of the loneliness that is left behind. Be very careful what you leave behind.
When is the last time he dated you, when is the last time he planned something just for you, when is the last time he loved you beyond the physical, when is the last time you weren't angry because he was away, being a second thought. When is the last time he just spent time real time close to you? And now you don't want him close because you are trying to little by little day by day to find your way without him.
So I cry alone when no one is looking because even when he looks at you he doesn't really see you and you longer care to show him.
Little by little day by day it dies, and you allow it because he just can't see it.
You begin to look for outlets.
Be very careful what you leave out and leave behind.
I always ask myself if I'm happy, at this point the answer would be no. But I sit in silence not wanting to address the reasons I'm not.
I don't want to be touched by him and just a day a go I longed for him, but I know as the day dawns I am not the person I need or want to be and I don't trust him. I have always taken great care to smile at the right time to let my mind go blank when asked what I'm thinking.
I'm thinking I deserve more he deserves more. I know what I want but if someone truly loves you don't they make their business to know, to attempt to see the sun in your smile.
The romance died a long time ago, and I'm the happy victim and say nothing, because what's the point really. I love him.
Looking for things at home that no longer exist and he's content or so he says, so I'm living.
He does not know the person that I am because that person will never let him in because although many things are in the past the pain is fresher on some days than on others. But no one wants to hear about the past mistakes mine or his so you say nothing and pray that you never have to fight that war again, because you should've surrendered the last time. Battle scars, fade but never really disappear.
He is content to hang out, to be away, not thinking for a moment of the loneliness that is left behind. Be very careful what you leave behind.
When is the last time he dated you, when is the last time he planned something just for you, when is the last time he loved you beyond the physical, when is the last time you weren't angry because he was away, being a second thought. When is the last time he just spent time real time close to you? And now you don't want him close because you are trying to little by little day by day to find your way without him.
So I cry alone when no one is looking because even when he looks at you he doesn't really see you and you longer care to show him.
Little by little day by day it dies, and you allow it because he just can't see it.
You begin to look for outlets.
Be very careful what you leave out and leave behind.
posted by Poetry @ 9:47 PM
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