Control Freak
I'm trying to get ready for the coming semester. Seems issues are being handed to me left and right. Things that, had people put in a little effort, I could have handled WEEKS ago.
So today I finally broke down and cried a little. After dropping off a closed entry form to the film department. I just let my guard down and cried. I'm so fucking tired of people's apathy. Had my VA rep made one phone call, this situation would be resolved and I wouldn't be wondering about my money and schedule 2 fucking days before the start of classes. ONE FUCKING PHONE CALL!!!
For so long I have resigned myself to being an emotional person usually overly so. It wasn't until Dr. H pointed out that I choose what I do with the emotions I feel. You think for someone who is a bit of a control freak I would've figured this out YEARS ago. Most days I can ask myself the question "how are you going to handle what you're feeling right now are you going to flip the fuck out or are you going to decide to handle it differently. I'm starting to choose the different route. Even though there are times I still give in and flip the fuck out anyway!
I'm still working on me... my eating is still out of control and I now have a jelly bean addiction that is going to send me into a coma...ah jelly bellies how I love thee!
I'm terrified of failure in many aspects of my life, again Dr. H has asked me to look at surviving those feelings and not taking them to the extreme. One moment at a time. GEEZ I need a 12 step program.
Breathe in breath out I can only control me.
So today I finally broke down and cried a little. After dropping off a closed entry form to the film department. I just let my guard down and cried. I'm so fucking tired of people's apathy. Had my VA rep made one phone call, this situation would be resolved and I wouldn't be wondering about my money and schedule 2 fucking days before the start of classes. ONE FUCKING PHONE CALL!!!
For so long I have resigned myself to being an emotional person usually overly so. It wasn't until Dr. H pointed out that I choose what I do with the emotions I feel. You think for someone who is a bit of a control freak I would've figured this out YEARS ago. Most days I can ask myself the question "how are you going to handle what you're feeling right now are you going to flip the fuck out or are you going to decide to handle it differently. I'm starting to choose the different route. Even though there are times I still give in and flip the fuck out anyway!
I'm still working on me... my eating is still out of control and I now have a jelly bean addiction that is going to send me into a coma...ah jelly bellies how I love thee!
I'm terrified of failure in many aspects of my life, again Dr. H has asked me to look at surviving those feelings and not taking them to the extreme. One moment at a time. GEEZ I need a 12 step program.
Breathe in breath out I can only control me.
posted by Poetry @ 10:06 AM
1 Comments:
At August 25, 2008 8:18 PM,
Don said…
I have gone from being a serious control freak to being a less than serious control freak to now trying to understand and realize that, no, I cannot make anyone do what they don't want to do.
So yeah I too have to learn how I can control only me. And I feel like I am addicted to sunflower seeds. LOL.
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